Sex and the Shitty

By now I'm sure you've all heard that the HBO series Sex and the City was made into a full-length feature film and released last weekend. It's no secret who the targeted demographic is for this film: women between the ages of say, 18-35. Sure there are probably a few older women that will go see it as well, but we'll consider them outliers for the purposes of this discussion.

I never saw the show when it was on television, and you'll catch me on stage for drag night at Legends before you find me in the theatre suffering through two plus hours of pure torture. And if you're a male, and you voluntarily see the film, don't mention it to me because I will track you down and give you a good swift punch in the kidney, followed by an even firmer kick to the testicles; just a warning. The only exception to this is guys who go to appease their girlfriends and wives. However, I will have to at the very least see a picture of your girlfriend to give you a free pass. If she is anything less than a solid nine, your kick to the groin is still promised.

Now, let me address why this show is the biggest piece of fantasy propaganda for a young woman that has ever existed. IT"S ONE BIG PSYCHOLOGICAL CLIT RUB, at least for the older female fans. In the words of Rick James, it gives broads "delusions of grandeur." Here's the fantasy: it supports the idea that women will remain sexually attractive to ALPHA MALES well into their forties. Sorry, but it's just not happening. Sure, there are decently attractive women that age that can pull a BETA MALE. But alpha? Please. What are you chicks smoking? At that age, there is no "Mr. Big" in your future, especially when you look like a damned horse (See about picture). I mean come on! When there's a website dedicated to you looking like a horse (www.sarahjessicaparkerlookslikehorse.com) you have no business being on any show that has the word sex in the title, much less be on the show and pull an alpha male. Reality has possibly never been more misconstrued.

One of a woman's biggest fears is aging into sexual invisibility. All SATC does is assuage that fear. It's nothing more than one big "Hey, you've still got it!" affirmation. In real life, "Mr. Big" walks right past any woman that looks like Mr. Ed and starts chatting up the twenty-five year old bartender with the short skirt and breasts on display. I'm not saying it's right, I'm only trying to ground you in reality.

The Belmont Stakes is Saturday. I'll take Big Brown to complete the Triple Crown. Anyone got the odds on Sarah Jessica Parker?